You might think of BDSM as something way out on the fringes of sexuality, but, chances are, if you’ve been having sex long enough, you’ve already experimented with this type of play without realizing it. BDSM is about adding a new dimension to your sex play, and partners should always enjoy what’s happening during a BDSM session.

The Scene
BDSM is a type of performance art. Actors work to engage all of the senses to create a psychological situation that plays with the edges of our sexuality. A scene is set up like a stage, the contents of which depend on the participants. The more senses you can engage during a scene – the smell of scented candles, the feel of the fake fur flogger - the more you will be psychologically immersed.

Costumes are Crucial
Like any theater production costumes are crucial to the performance. What self-respecting slave doesn’t wear his dog collar? The specific type of attire depends on the fantasy you’re trying to create. You and your partner can have all kinds of fun choosing from an array of stockings, heels, gloves … http://fascinations.stockroom.com/category/fetish/costumes/

Use Common Sense and Creativity
The line can be thin between what scares us and what turns us on. In BDSM, a good top will never put a bottom in real danger. Instead use common sense and creativity. If your partner wants to include a knife in a scene, for example, you might show your partner the knife, blindfold him or her, then use the edge of a credit card to create the feel of a blade. Or, you might use an ice cube to create the sensation of being burned by fire. Remember BDSM is about performance, not harming others.

Bondage for Tops
When tying up your loved one make sure to use materials that allow for good blood circulation and don’t cause rope burn. Different materials have different burn speeds, so try out materials on yourself first. Using nylons or nylon rope is not a good idea and never use rubber bands for bondage. Check a bottom’s hands and feet throughout a scene to make sure s/he is getting good circulation. If hands or feet change color or become cold, these are indicators that circulation has been cut off and untie your partner immediately.

A Word about Candles Wax
Burning candles are often used in scenes and sooner or later you’ll probably get the idea to drop some hot wax on your partner (be sure your partner consents to this activity). Be aware that different candles burn at different temperatures and some materials, such as bee’s wax, can actually burn the skin.  Use candles that are specifically designed to be dripped on skin, such as the Suntouched 3-in-1 Candle.

Ask Questions and Communicate
BDSM plays with our fantasies and our psychology. Ask questions and communicate the details of your desires. Take time to plan a scene. Have fun collecting your costumes and props. http://fascinationsx.com/ Most importantly keep it safe and consensual (See “Including BDSM Play in Relationships: Getting Started” for more information).

Angela Towne, Sexuality Educator