Fellatio is a versatile and wonderful erotic art that you can use in any type of sex play with your male (or strap-on wearing partner).  You can give fellatio during foreplay, in between your favorite sex positions, or when switching erotic activities, mutual oral (69), or save it for last.  It can be a teasing taste of what’s to come, a clandestine moment, a tit-for-tat trade, or the entire course.  Oral sex can add intimacy to your relationships, and if you don’t already include it in your repertoire, fellatio can bring your closer together.  The possibilities are endless.

Why do men enjoy getting head?  A soft pair of lips kissing; a warm and wet tongue caressing; a whole hot mouth wrapped around the center of his pleasure.  Our mouths can convey a sensation unlike any other and can easily stimulate a man to the point of no return.  Here are a few tips and reminders for the next time you give your lover head:

Visual & Mental Stimulation: When you go down on a guy, he gets much more than your velvety mouth and luscious lips.  Most men get off on the visual and mental stimulation you provide as well.  When a lover is in between a man’s legs, he has a clear view of all of the action, from beginning to end.  He sees and feels everything that you do. And because most everyone likes some forms of visual stimulation, head can be one of the ultimate sex shows—starring him and you.

Remember this as you are giving head.  Wear some sexy lingerie, something that lets your breasts pour out of the top so he can see his cock right between your cleavage as you look up at him.  Remember that he is not only looking at your mouth, pose your body in a flattering and sexy position.  More then likely he can barely see the top of your ass behind your head, wear some cute panties and stick your ass in the air as you bend over him.  Going along with the visual, it might sound funny, but freshly painted nails and lipstick is eye-catching for any guy.  Guys love to see beautiful long (red, pink, cute colors) holding their cock in your hands.

Above all, eye contact and facial expression make or break your ultimate connection between average and mind blowing head.  Look at your lover at points during this experience, despite your concentration.  Let him know that you are doing this for him.  Show him that you enjoy it with your excitement and sensuality.  Tease him with flirtatious glances, sly smirks, a flick of the tongue at the middle underneath of his shaft.  Show him tidbits of visuals of what is going on inside your mouth.  When you choose to deep-throat, try to wrap your tongue around his shaft and with an open mouth, and let him see your tongue sliding back up his cock slowly.  Or in other efforts slide his cock into your cheek, and let him see his nice big muscle bulging out of the side.  Use your tongue as a visual and let him see the path your tongue will take while exploring his man muscle.  Also, it is always a nice edition to caress yourself during this experience.  Rub your breasts, twist your nipples, dance sexually, strip slowly, etc.

Role-Play & Location: Oral sex with a man can happen anywhere.  That’s part of the pleasure.  And time and place adds to this experience.  In the office after hours, it’s naughty, it’s sexy, and it’s sly.  A bedroom can make it more comfortable and private, allowing a broader range of sex play.  There are more devious places, such as bathroom stalls and other semi-public settings, where the sheer wickedness of fellatio combined with the risk of being discovered add to the charge of the experience.

Giving head works itself into any context or scenario I can dream up.  My fantasies and his make anything possible and these fantasies can be accelerated merely based on the fact that fellatio can be preformed anywhere.  I can be a dominant woman, doling out pleasure as I see fit, or I can a naughty young man with a pretty mouth.  I can play with roles, becoming an overly dedicated nurse for a helpless patient, an earnest applicant for an important job, or a submissive slave.  The perfect addition to this is to dress and act the part through and through.  If you want to be a naughty nurse, get a nurse outfit and complete it from head to toe, down to your spike heels and white fishnet stockings.  Then act the part, make sure you don’t deviate.  If your character has an accent, use the accent all the way through your moans and dirty talking.  If you are a sub, act the part throughout your entire session.  This adds to the mental stimulation, and connects with the visual stimulation he is getting from your body.  If you feel that you won’t be able to go through with something like this, practice when you are alone.  I can guarantee that your dedication and determination to make him feel good will be gratefully accepted.

Eye of the beholder: Going down on a man is one of life’s singular pleasures.  However, some men might have concerns about getting a blow job.  Men can feel stress about receiving oral sex.  Having someone look at, watch the reactions of, smell, and taste your genitals is an intense experience for anyone—especially in our world of constant comparisons.  He might be worried about his performance, size, or shape, or whether he is responding appropriately to your touch.  He might also be contending with sexual shame, which can cloud his ability to relax, let go, and enjoy what you’re doing.  The best thing you can do to counteract something like this is to show him, tell him, and radiate to him how much you enjoy him and his cock.  Be careful of any bad vibes, wrong looks, or disapproving words you give him.  Let him know that you enjoy every inch that he has presented to you, and your body is going nuts holding back from him.  Nothing compares to having the absolute focus on your lover’s heat, intensity, lust, and desire right in front of you, and in your mouth.  You hold his enjoyment and his orgasm within the confines of your body.  Make it a long loving tribute.  Give him a gentle massage to ease his anxiety, or a prolonged seduction.  Let him know how in to him you really are, and by all means how much you are enjoying getting him off.  If you are getting wet yourself, let him know, make him feel you and just how excited you really are about getting him off.

Fellatio vs. Irrumation: In a very general sense, there are two ways in which a blow job can be performed.  There is fellatio, the technical term used to describe the act of a person going up and down on the penis; and there is irrumation, in which the giver stays stationary and the man receiving the blow job provides the in-and-out motion with his thrusting.  However, fellatio is the colloquial blanket term for all things blow job.

Communication: Talking to your lover is a way to establish comfort.  You can voice concerns you might have, such as worries about gagging, or let him know if you do not want him to cum in your mouth or put his hands on the back of your head.  You can also try situations or positions that will address your concerns: giving a blow job in the shower will ensure cleanliness, having him lie on his back will give you the most control.  Be up front an in control.  Fellatio is not made to make you feel vulnerable unless you want to play that way.  Communicate with him first, and if you decide that you are not okay with something or you are being pushed too far, stop or correct whatever it is that is making you feel uncomfortable.  If you choose to have signals, so he or you know when to do or not do something.

On the other note, have him communicate what it is that he wants, what he likes, what he doesn’t like.  You can read all of the fellatio books that you want, but every man or partner is different.  Something’s turn one guy on, but do nothing for another guy.  Something that you think is one of your best moves, he might not like at all.  Ultimately only he can tell you what he is feeling.  Once you have put this out on the table, then you can really give him intense orgasms.

Idle Hands & Foreplay: Whether you are about to give a hot nasty, on-the-fly blow job or are going to slowly and sweetly make love to his cock, you’ll really heat things up if you can get him into as heightened as state of arousal as you can.  Simply taking the penis and stuffing it into your mouth is fine if you know that your partner like it., but in most cases this approach will make him feel like you just wanted to get it over with and make the fellatio session a forgettable one.  This will leave partners feeling disappointed, hurt, and later on possibly uninterested sexually.  You may feel like you are torturing him by prolonging his pleasure with some delicious foreplay. However, the more effort and attention you put into arousing him, the more he will love how you give head.  Spend time nibbling, kissing, massaging, tickling, running your hair over, scratching, or light touching all over his body except for his genitals.  Slightly (accidentally) barely brush your arm, breast, cheek on the side of his shaft for just a mere second.  During this pay attention, discover what parts he like to have massaged or licked and which areas he doesn’t.  When using your hands and lips / tongue, make sure you realize that your whole body can be caressing him as well with each movement.  Use your hands, wrists, forearms, elbows (gently), legs, feet, hips, cheeks, chin.  If you can use your whole body to caress him, it will drive him wild, and show him how excited your whole body can be and how delicately it can respond to his.

Throughout the entire blowjob, use your hands as much as you can to increase his sexual arousal and comfort, and to prolong sexual tension.  Touching other parts of his body such as his chest, nipples, hips, buttocks, and stroking his thighs and stomach are highly recommended for building arousal. Insert a finger into his mouth for him to lick and suck, run your fingers through his pubic hair.  Gently pull his pubic hair, or lightly tug his testicles.  Use your hands on the shaft and stroke while fellatio, push or pull the mons (fleshy mound at the pubic bone), caress his buttocks, play with his nipples. Use a toy with vibration on his testicles, suck on them as well.  Take his cock and smack it on the side of your cheek with an open mouth, or pull out spit on it and use your hands to rub the spit accordingly.   Put pressure on his perineum, or if your partner is willing then play with his anus or insert a finger or toy into his ass.

Additions: Remember that you can always add something else in to the mix, and most the time it will be easily accepted.  Bringing a toy to play with his testicles or his shaft is a wonderful idea, and if permitted a plug or toy for the anus.  Flavored lubes are a great addition if you want some flavor.  Body chocolate, honey, whip cream, body dust, etc are nice additions to lick off of your partner in any manner, and can make the experience sweet and sensual.  Changing the temperature of your mouth by sucking on ice cubes or eating ice cream can be a delightful change as well.

Also, a very nice addition is shaving pubic hair.  Making you mound and shaft smooth for your partner is very much appreciated.  This will make you look cleaner, smell better, and can in fact make your cock look larger.  Look for Coochy Cream or Kitty Shave.

Deep Throat: Learning to deep throat can increase your ease and comfort with fellatio in general.  Deep throating , novelty or not, can feel delicious to the recipient.  The tip of the finger is a great place to begin understanding why-next time you’re in the proximity of a chocolate cake, dip one of your fingers in the frosting and suck it off, using the front part of your mouth (lips and tongue).  The tip is the most sensitive part of your finger, in the same manner as the penis head and underneath is the most sensitive part.  Your finger is completely surrounded by warmth and the wetness of your mouth.  This is the allure and pleasure of deep throating.  When you take him all the way in, he is completely engulfed by the pleasurable sensations of your mouth.

Familiarizing yourself with the anatomy of the mouth will give you an exact idea of what is going on. When his penis goes past the back of your tongue.  Underlying your oral anatomy are the nerve responses that trigger pleasurable messages to your brain and also the dreaded gag reflex.  Angles and positions are key for comfort and sustaining the activity.  Breathing and rhythm are also a big part of the process.  Combine these elements with your own preferred tricks and techniques, and you’ll be deep throating in ease, comfort, and pleasure.

Gag reflex is an involuntary nerve response, and gagging is your body’s defense against choking.  Gagging will make you salivate, and can trigger a vomit response.  The gag reflex can be overcome or at least worked around.  Ultimately, it is easier not to gag when you are really turned on.  You can sense the feeling of gagging as it comes on, and plan ahead with response.  Keeping your hand on his penis is essential; you can stave off deep thrusts that might trigger gagging by using your hand as a spacer.  As your throat constricts, try the following:

• Back off and continue strokes, take a breath and try again.
• Try alternating your pattern.
• Move the head of the penis to the front of your mouth and hold for a moment.
• Breathe- give yourself breaks, but don’t take him out of your mouth.
• Practice on a dildo.
• Use throat numbing cream or spray.
• Explore any psychological issues.
• Do not deep-throat if you are ill.
• Shift his angle or position.
• Use your arousal.If you are a pro, then try the following:
  
• When he’s deep, freeze and swallow.
• Instead of moving your head, constrict your throat muscles around his penis, making the rhythmic movement occur within.
•  Put him all the way in and vary your rhythm with long and short strokes; alternate shorts and deep for a few breathes, then long and deep for a few.
• Swallowing the head of his cock, twist your head slightly and slowly from side to side.
  Extend your tongue out the front of your mouth and massage the shaft.
• When you exhale, moan to vibrate him in your mouth.
• Grip his hips and force him deeper.
• Put his hands on your head to either be able to feel your head move with your rhythm or so he can control the rhythm.
   

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Angela Towne, Sexuality Educator