One of the most common fantasies is that of three-way sex, also called the menage- a-trois. Although this fantasy is common, introducing one into your relationship isn’t. There are ways to begin exploring this idea, however, that can be very arousing and lots of fun. 

Beginning the Discussion is Tricky.
Adding a third to your sex life begins with a great deal of discussion, yet, beginning the initial conversation can be tricky. It’s natural for a partner to feel intimidated by the suggestion of a major change in the status quo. Try to initiate this discussion in the context of “I’m sharing this fantasy because I feel comfortable with you.” Never bring this up in terms of “Something’s missing in our relationship.”

Don’t Pressure or Push
Don’t pressure your partner to desire a three-way as much as you do, and never push your partner into participating. This will only cause problems. Instead, try to remain open to your partner’s responses. Introducing a three-way requires excellent communication skills, so practice these skills by hearing out your partner’s concerns. Give your partner all the time s/he needs to consider this idea.

The Fantasy Stage
Couples that open their relationship to a three-way typically go through a fantasy stage. This stage can last many months or years depending on the couple. And, some couples stay in the fantasy stage permanently. The important thing to remember is to enjoy this stage. It can be fun, creative, and incredibly intimate.

Share Your Fantasies
Discussing the possibility of a three-way can be arousing. Let the idea of three-way sex be a turn-on during two-way encounters. Share your fantasies and inspire your partner to do the same. Remember that communicating fantasies is a form of intimacy and it’s natural to feel vulnerable. Encourage your partner to let down inhibitions and reveal secret desires by asking questions and conveying how much you’re enjoying your partner’s erotic imagination.

Adding a Fantasy Man
Another option is to incorporate the use of toys as stand-ins for a third person. Either partner can use a dildo to mimic actions a fantasy man might take. For example, if she’d like double penetration, he could penetrate her anally and use a dildo vaginally. If your fantasy involves hard to reach details, a dildo with a suction cup can come in handy. Armless, varnished wood chairs typically hold a suction cup and can be maneuvered into a variety of positions, such as laying the chair back on the floor and suctioning dildo to the seat to mimic doggie style, making your fantasy man come alive.

Adding a Fantasy Woman
 If adding a woman tricks your trigger, some couples find the use of a masturbation sleeve, sex donut, or sex doll does the trick. These sleeves and donuts come in a variety of styles including nubbed, vibrating, and cyber-skin, and some are quite realistic. Many types of sex dolls are also available with choices in ethnicity, body type, or even your favorite porn star. These toys can add a new dimension to sex play without the politics of adding a third person.

Keep an Open Mind
Whether or not your three-way fantasy will be realized remains to be seen. With an open mind, you can discover many creative ways to full-fill desires within the comfort level of both partners. In fact, with enthusiasm, these problem-solving skills can lead to creative eroticism never dreamed off.

By: Angela Towne, Sexuality Educator