We all want to be loved.  In fact, sometimes our impatience for love is so powerful that it makes our perceptions foggy and we don’t see the warning lights flashing.  Paying attention to these warning signs could mean the difference between crashing or cruising.  Here are a few suggestions to help you better see those flashing lights.

Change Your Perspective
Instead of focusing on what your date might think of you, consider the mental stance of “I’m collecting information.”  Noticing how she treats the waitress gives you information about whether she’s respectful or rude.  Observing that he’s doing a lot of complaining might indicate that he may tend to be negative.  Simply paying attention and collecting information allows you to better observe the situation from outside the fog. 

Too Much Too Soon
Is he overly romantic right away?  I don’t mean to give romance a bad name, but hyper-romantic can be an indicator of future abuse.  People who have a tendency to set up controlling and abusive relationships will often rely on conventional romance – flowers, gifts, sweet talk – to manipulate someone into a relationship.  We’ve been conditioned to think of romantic gestures as indications of love.  And, certainly, sometimes they are.  But, is it too much too soon?

Listen to Your Gut
The most important thing you can do to see red lights is to listen to your body’s cues.  What is your gut telling you?  Is there a nagging feeling that something just doesn’t seem right?  Are you thinking, “That insulting comment she made about the way I’m dressed just isn’t sitting well with me”?  Really trusting yourself and listening to all your body sensations will give you the most information about whether or not to continue to get to know someone.

· She’s more interested in talking about her ex than getting to know you

· He didn’t apologize for being late again

· She’s critical

· He doesn’t want to take no for an answer

· She keeps talking on her phone during our date

· It seems like he has a lot of problems

view top dating guide

Angela Towne, Sexuality Educator