So if I touch this spot, she will immediately burst into an uncontrollable orgasm unlike anything that she’s ever experienced before…right?  Where the heck is this button?  I need to find it!

If you’ve had these thoughts, forget them.  The short answer is that “the button” doesn’t exist - at least not in the way described above.  We’re not robots with orgasm buttons, thank God, because think of the sensual delights we’d miss out on if such a button existed. 

What Is It?
The “g-spot,” or Gräfenberg spot, is a mis-named and often mis-understood area of a woman’s body.  The g-spot is not really a spot at all, but rather an area inside the vagina.  The Gräfenberg spot is located about an inch or so inside the vagina on the upper wall (the “stomach side” rather than the “back side”) behind the pubic bone.  In many women, this area feels bumpier than the rest of the vagina.

Be Stimulated before Stimulation
It is best to be aroused before attempting to locate the g-spot.  The increased blood flow and nerve arousal makes this area more sensitive to pressure.  Here are a few ways to stimulate the g-spot, and, if you use your imagination, you might be able to come up with even more.

Fantastic Fingers
Fingers can bend and explore in ways that a penis can’t, so take advantage of this when exploring the vagina.  An excellent way to stimulate an aroused g-spot is to make the “come hither” motion with one or two fingers inside the vagina.  The g-spot responds to pressure as opposed to light touch, so many women enjoy quite powerful upward strokes in this area.

Splendid Sex Toys
These days there are plenty of toys that are designed to stimulate her g-spot.  These toys will have a distinct curve engineered to reach behind the pubic bone.  Using a toy for g-spot stimulation may be the easiest method for many self-loving women.  They’re fun for partners too.

Precise Penises 
There are some men out there whose penises are naturally curved to effectively stimulate the g-spot.  For those men who aren’t blessed with such a bend, here are some pointers.  Keep in mind the angle of the penis.  Position yourself slightly lower than the vagina, if she’s on her back, to enter her at an upward angle.  Then penetrate her vagina with shallow thrusts, about an inch or two in, stimulating the upper vaginal wall just behind the pubic bone with the head of your penis.  You may want to mix things up by doing two shallow thrusts for every deep thrust or one shallow and two deep – whatever lights your number.  And if you really want to put a smile on your lover’s face, add some clitoral stimulation to the mix!

Trust Your Body
While exploring the g-spot, try not to live up to an expectation that something should feel good when it doesn’t.  Trust your body, and remember to get and give plenty of feedback when with a partner.  If it doesn’t feel good, try something different, stop, or try again later.  Remember – there is no wrong way to do this if everyone has a good time.

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Angela Towne, Sexuality Educator